Day 12: Alien Abduction

Eerie music plays

I'm about to tell you a tale. A tale of intrigue, and one that ends well. A tale that will have you searching the skies and wishing for an escape. Yes, this is a tale of an alien abduction; one which did not involve anal probing or artificial insemination (thank the Lord!). No, this was an abduction unlike any other, and one which I will always remember.

End eerie music

A silver ship pulled up, silent as a motor home, and the occupants exited. Both the aliens were of similar heights and both had body tattoos showing their accomplishments and planets conquered. One had red in its hair, signifying its fiery disposition and reflected in its eyes. Similar to Black Bolt (the Marvel Inhuman), this alien had the uncanny ability of being heard...whatever the circumstances. This alien's name was G. The other alien had a metallic stud on its face which could transform into a weapon, if needed. If removed, the remaining hole could also spurt out acid into the face of an unsuspecting enemy. This alien also had six pairs of eyes: one for protection against the harmful rays of the sun, one for night vision, and one for normal, everyday situations. This alien was called E. Both were from the planet Smalsp.

As I was shoved into the plush grey interior of the shuttle (complete with pillow and jacket!), I wondered if this would be the last time I saw Earth. The serpentine of G and the ensuing windburn on my face made me soon forget such simple things. We first landed at planet Shiattza where G and E decided to get some food. I'm sorry to say that they slaughtered, skinned, and cooked some strange beings (throwing in olives with the meat) which created a facsimile sandwich. I was offered sustenance but politely refused.

We proceeded on a 2.5 hour trip to someplace called Vigizazz Dinza. Along the way we encountered another being flying toward Vigizazz Dinza. E became annoyed at the pestering of the other alien and shot acid at it through its metallic stud. As I watched the other alien's face melt off like cheese from a pizza, I decided that it would be best not to anger E.

We arrived at Vigizazz Dinza and I was quite pleased; it felt homey! We dined. My meal had a lot of creamy sauce on it. E removed one pair of her eyes and ate her brown-colored meal. G expressed distaste for the brown sauce and nearly destroyed the server when the tube that is used for eating needed maintenance. I tried to mix a creamy drink with brown chunks for E but E refused and I could tell it wanted to spray acid at me for offering. Before leaving, E shot all three of us with some sort of sensor. I'm still scratching my head about that one.

The ship was refueled on the way back (to my surprise they were taking me back to Earth). On the return they subjected me to their planet's music which sounds a lot like hoarse screaming. There was a lot of communication going on between E/G and some other aliens back at Smalsp. E explained to me that purple nipples (reader, they have FIVE NIPPLES all together!) were considered beautiful on their planet. I hardly believed this and told them that perhaps they had a fungus and should get that checked out by a doctor before their nipples fall off! They merely laughed and told me that at least they have nipples, unlike the green, shape-changing Skrulls!

I arrived safely back on Earth, and thanked them for the journey. I learned a lot about the culture of their kind and would not take back the experience! So thank-you E and G, I hope that you abduct me again, soon!

Unprobbed anuses unite!
~S