Day 8: Does sauciness burn?

Out of the two covers shown above, I ask you, which one is a romance novel? The correct answer is: both of them?! WHAT??? I know, right? The one on the right looks quite innocent, and in reality is probably "warm" on a heat scale (I may or may not know this from first hand experience) and the one on the right looks down right HOT; like "ow, I burned my hand just picking up the book" hot, or "someone get a fire extinguisher, I believe my who-ha is ablaze" hot (but I swear upon all that is good and holy that I do NOT know this from first hand experience...though I know some people who do). What is this heat scale, you may ask. Well, let me tell you. A heat scale for RNs (romance novels) is as follows (I cite http://www.lib.byu.edu/sites/sampler/romance-rating-list/ for my definitions, but the book titles are my own):

Kisses: Nothing more than kisses. My made-up example: "My Pretty Pony Finds a Date"
Subtle: No explicit sensuality. Kissing, perhaps touching, but physical romance is described in general terms. The emphasis is on how lovemaking made the characters feel emotionally, and not on graphic depiction. If lovemaking occurs, it is alluded to rather than described, so that the reader’s imagination becomes paramount. My made-up example: "Mr. Magoo and His Accidental Gropes"
Warm: Moderately explicit sensuality. While our lovers do make love, and the reader is there with them, physical details are described, but are not graphically depicted. Much is left to the reader’s imagination. Emotions and feelings are most important. While there is sexual tension, there may not be more than one or two love scenes in the whole book. My made-up example: "What Happened AFTER the Magic Carpet Ride in Aladdin"
Hot: Very explicit sensuality. There is an expanded focus throughout the book on sexual feelings and desires. The love scenes are longer, and there are at least 2 or 3 of them. The characters often think about their sexual feelings and desires, and making love is graphically depicted. Both the emotions of the hero and heroine and the physical feelings of both are important during love scenes. My made-up example: "The Ignorant Tourist and the Ever-Watchful Orangutan"
Burning: Extremely explicit sensuality. Sexual feelings and desires are strongly focused on and some books in this category have sex as the primary focus. The details are thoroughly graphic, and may include what some readers might consider kinky. My made up example: "Those Ashes on the Floor Used to be My Loins."

Now, you may want to change this scale around and perhaps rate them on a scale of "Sauciness." As Glinda will tell you, this is quite possible. At this juncture in my blog, I would like to create my own version of the "Sauciness Scale:"

S: It can't even spell Saucy.
Sauce: It's more of a noun, rather than an adjective. Like "goat."
Saucy: Yeaaaa, getting into the good stuff.
Texas Pete Hot Sauce: One may need to consume water/milk while reading!
Sauce for the Poison Oak on My Who-Ha: That's right...beware of Fabio and his effects...

I know that people often wonder/judge the readers of RNs. Are they stodgy housewives with little "spunk" in their sex lives, or are they old maids that look like Bellatrix and these novels are
their romances. One cannot say. The people I know who read such novels certainly fall into neither category. Frankly, I actually wonder about the authors of the RNs. Um...I'm pretty sure you could get arrested for some of the ideas that are put down in those books. If I'm ever curious about a particular book I may pick it up and skim through, and on several occasions I have put it back on the shelf, pulled my shirt over my face and ran to the children section in order to regain some part of my naive/innocent self that I may have lost in those short moments. Sometimes I look at the pictures of the authors and talk to them. Here is an imaginary conversation I may have:

Me: Soooo, I see most of your characters wear protection. *clears throat* I respect that you're subtly teaching readers about responsibility.
Author: Yea, well, you learn early on that if you need to do research for a book you need to be safe about it.
Me: *slightly uncomfortable* So, um, do you brainstorm these scenes or do they pop into your head or how exactly...
A: Pretty much I think of something and try it out to see if it makes sense or not.
M: *growing more uncomfortable* I see.
A: Yep, plus, I have practically every ______ channel known to man!
M: Oh dear Lord!
A: I know! Who knew there were 127 of those channels?
M: I think maybe you're too saucy for me...I'm going to put you back on the shelf...
A: Wuss!
M: Freely admitted!

END SCENE

So yea. I will ask this of you. Next time you're in a bookstore, just visit the RN isle and look at the pictures of the authors and you tell me what you think. It is also funny to think that there are men writing RNs (Nicholas Sparks) and authors with pen names! I think I would try to get other people to stay away from RNs; I hear they can be addicting and I don't want any of my friends (including me) to fall down that hole. There are a couple of descent authors out there, however, who deal with social issues as well as romance (like Susan Wiggs). Those are ok! However, if you find yourself getting a novel at Walmart or a supermarket...you're lost my friend, and I'm afraid there is no going back...

Happy to hold out a rope for you,
~S