Day 11: "My Baby Hurt His Toe"

Ah, yes, once again my head created a little play for you all to enjoy. This play is based on true events (doesn't that phrase always make people practically claw their way to the box office?)! The events in this play took place over a 3 hour period, but I will condense it down to 5 minutes. I call this masterpiece:

My Baby Hurt His Toe

Characters: Blanche--a 30 something supervisor with an emotional hangover from her days as a 16 year old. Her inability to act the role of a supervisor tends to make the main character, S, care less about the things she does at work.

S--an apathetic 20 year old who sometimes feels like she's alone in the office (maybe because she usually is). S dreams of working with people who actually care about their job, get to work on time, and limit their personal calls. Paradoxically, S has begun making personal calls in order to catch up with Blanche; she is down 5 to ∞!

ADD--Need I say more? This teeny-bopper is the apple of his mother Blanche's eye. Looks are sometimes deceiving...

Slingblade--Do you recall a little movie by the name of Slingblade starring Billy Bob Thorton? Let's just say S can understand Billy Bob's character more than she can understand Slingblade. There also is an occasional flirtation between Slingblade and Blanche, though both are married.

Barney--The assistant manager and one whom you do not want on your bad side. Barney has an aversion towards nicknames.

Andy--The Man.

Setting: A 1990s style office with little to no room for two people to work together. The terrazzo on the floor is stained with mud due to the storm and a cool breeze finds its way through the office (due to cross ventilation caused by opening doors on opposite ends of the building). There is a small bathroom that could be a Motel 6, if their slogan was "We'll leave the light on for you...and the toilet seat up). Two smaller offices (with doors) lie across from the main threshold. There is a strange smell that pervades the office, and it would appear that the stench of Mrs. President lingers still. The weather is dark and cloudy; the Heavens occasionally open up with a downpour then zipper back up. Besides the rolling of the office chair on the terrazzo, silence pervades the office...

8:30 am
Blanche: Oh my God...Oh my God...Oh my God (from here on out typed as OMG, but Blanche continues her full deliverance)
Pause OMG...OMGOMGOMG
S: Looks perplexedly toward's Blanche's office and wonders if she should give Blanche a Vicotin...or if she herself should take one
B: OMG....OMG....OMG OMG OMG Ok...yea...I will. Bye...love you...bye.
To S: ADD fell off his bike___
S: A motorcycle?
B: No, a bicycle. I won't allow him to ride a motorcycle!
S thinks this may be for the best. ADD would most likely see a rabbit cross the road, leap off the motorcycle and chase after it.
B: He hurt his toe and now they have to REMOVE HIS TOENAIL!!!!
At this point, S studies Blanche and wonders if she is going to cry.
Blanche, to her credit, does not cry. For the next hour, Blanche tries to get in touch with her ex-husband in order to get ADD's insurance. She also tries her "wife-in-law's" (Blanche's terminology) number, but she has the incorrect number.
S: I'm a little concerned that you have your ex-husband's new wife's cell phone number!
B: Why? S sees no point in further conversing about this.

9:45am
By now Barney and Andy know about "the toe" (bum bum buuuuuuum). Blanche is on the phone, once again with her present husband.
B: Uh, huh...S does not actually pay attention to the conversation and works. Only when her name is called does she react. S? It's really bad isn't it?
S: Not really. I mean, all they do is shoot some syringes in the big toe to numb it and rip out the nail!
B: gags

10:00am
Moments later, Barney and Andy are out of the office. Blanche is walking around nervously and appears a loosed animal from the zoo, wondering what to do next.
B: Frantically ADD's hurt and in another state, I can't reach his father for his insurance card (the man won't give it to me because he'll think I'll do something with it), and I DON'T HAVE ANY CIGARETTES!"
S: Feigns shock and sympathy. In a voice resembling that of Daria: Oh, no.
Enter Slingblade. Slingblade hands Blanche an odd Styrofoam container which S later finds out contains a sandwich. At times, S watches Blanche chomp down on the sandwich like a masticating gorilla while she talks on the phone.
B: Oh God___Blanche, in a speech that audibly sounds like verbal diarrhea, spills out everything that has transpired in the last hour and a half in 2.5 seconds.
Slingblade: Wull yule jus goen home i’in ya needta.
S perceives this to mean "Well you just go on home if you need to."
A few minutes later, Blanche walks out of the office and S finds herself alone...yet again. S realistically deduces that Blanche went to find some cigarettes. S fantasizes that Blanche is like a squirrel, hiding cigarettes throughout the office's property.

10:15am
Blanche has returned to the office and is in close proximity to S.
B: Finds the need to whisper even though both Barney and Andy are out of the office Do you know what Barney said to me?
S: Clearly uninterested Hmm
B: He said, "So I hear ADD's getting his big toe remove." Now, the big toe? The part of the foot you NEED to be able to walk correc___
S: Actually, I think that's the pinky toe.
B: Disregards comment Can you imagine? He's getting his nail removed, but if it was his toe...Starts choking up. Tears are visible in her eyes. Why would he ask that? To think that his toe could be cut off and he would not be able to walk correctly for the rest of his life.
S: Wonders how she is the voice of sanity in this office. She also begins rating the emotional stability of Blanche on a scale from 1 to 10. The detector in her head beats rapidly and she cannot get a clear reading. Well, luckily it's just his nail and not his toe. He'll be ok.
B: Yea, but can you believe he asked me that?
S: Shrugs

For the remainder of the day things surrounding the toe begin to die down. There are calls made to and taken from pediatricians, faxes sent, sandwiches chewed, et al. As the hectic events of the past couple hours dawn on S, she really begins to contemplate how this Skittle-sized event was turned into one the size of planet Jupiter. S, who has ran into mailboxes and poles while playing baseball, hit in the head with a hockey puck, hit in the nose by a basketball and lacrosse ball, and fallen off of her bike repeatedly (not to mention has actually ridden a motorcycle AND has had pieces of her toenails removed), concludes her thoughts with this: ADD is a wimp!

End Scene

I hope that you all enjoyed this 5 minute play. Please leave any and all comments for the director and writer!

~S