Rant #2

It is actually really quite sad that in today's society certain words have been twisted to mean something completely different than its original definition (take a look back at "Ode to a Douche" for one such example). Some words have obtained such a bad connotation that one cannot even dare using it without a fear of reprimand. One such word is "queer."

Queer - adj. meaning strange or odd

I have been reading a few classical novels and the word "queer" sometimes appears. Of course this means "strange" not "playing for the home team," but still, sometimes I have to do a quick ponder and realize that yes, they do mean "strange." I have often wanted to use the word "queer" but fear that I cannot because people either laugh thinking you mean the other thing, or they stare at you like you're being insulting.

Ex. I happen to be in the office with Blanche and Barney. I am told that the copier can handle card stock sheets only one at a time. As I thought this was going to eat up a lot of my time and happened to be an odd fact about the copier, I replied, "How queer!" Blanche began laughing and looked back at me. She quickly turned around once she realized that I wasn't joking.

It seems the only person I can use "queer" around is my mother, as she would not jump to conclusions and think I was talking about a particular species of humans. Why, even on campus there happens to be a club for "Queers and Lesbians." *sigh* I guess I'll just have to keep using "odd" as a replacement. Please don't take that away from me!

Sign my petition to save the word "queer,"
~S

Day 18: "Has boobs, reads comics"

Since I recently became a "follower" of the aptly named blog "Has boobs, reads comics," I would just like to give major props to the Nerdy Bird. FINALLY we have a girl breaking the mold of what comic nerds are (ie. boys). What's more? She actually has a wide circle of fans and followers. Perhaps now we XX chromosome-carrying people will not be summarily dismissed as having zero knowledge on a comic-subject.

It's not a secret to many of my friends that I am on a Spider-man podcast. The token girl, as it were. Of the six people on the show, I alone am the only girl. Sadly, this ratio does not even hold up once you leave the podcast and travel to the message board. I could most likely count the number of girls on the site on both of my hands...actually, maybe all I need is one hand with six fingers...

But why are there not more girls in the comic world? Is it the art form itself? Please, we all grew up with picture books! Ok then, is it the subject matter? Mmm, possibly, but there are some great comics out there like Spider-man Loves Mary Jane that does not involve out and out fighting, but is more centralized around a female character and her trials. What's wrong with that? Could it be, then, the fact that the majority of comic writers are male and do not know how to write a female character? Well, frankly, this is quite true. However, there are a few exceptions, notably Ed Brubaker's Sharon Carter and Chuck Dixon's Birds of Prey, plus a handful of others.

Actually, I think it comes down to one thing: girl's (to guys) are just not comic book readers. They will just never fit the stereotype of a fanboy...in his mother's basement..."whacking-off" to Elektra. Hmmm, yea, actually, I'm pretty sure neither I, nor the Nerdy Bird can fit that stereotype. In fact, there are three categories in which female comic readers fall (all of which I have been involved in).

1. Eyecandy: That's right! How exciting is it to go to a comic convention and be gawked at? I certainly enjoy it! It's actually rather unnerving to be looking for comics and feeling guys undress you with their eyes...*shiver*

2. Only reads girl comics:
Comic seller: I bet your favorite character is Wonder Woman!
Me: No, actually, it's Spider-man!

Really though? Girls do not only read Wonder Woman! In fact, I haven't touched Wonder Woman since that terrible Jodi Piccoult arc! *sigh* Oh, Jodi Piccoult...I had such faith in you and all you gave me was a bad taste in my mouth!

3. Girl's don't know their way around comic shops: I actually need a GPS in a comic shop...SERIOUSLY? I go to my hometown LCS (local comic shop) and the female (I know, right?) proprietor who knows me is not there, leaving me with a guy I've never seen before. I walk directly to the new comic wall and 15 seconds later the guy comes up to me and asks, "Do you need help finding something." At the very moment I had in my hands a copy of Captain America: Reborn #1. I could tell that he thought I was like a priest at a strip club, but I feel like when you have a copy of a mini-series (not a continuing, well-known series like Amazing Spider-man) that one can tell you know what you're doing. He must not have thought so!

I think Gwen Stafani had it right when she sang "I'm just a girl...that's all that you'll let me be."

If you rip my comic, will I not cry and Hulk-out and kick you in the tic-tacs/who-ha?
If you say Barbara Gordon is only good in a wheel-chair and not as Batgirl, will I not debate you?
If you try to throw me off by saying the Flash is Marvel (which someone did to me, true story), will I not correct and stun you that Flash is DC?

Thank-you Nerdy Bird! You make me feel, not quite alone!

I too have boobs and read comics,
~S

Day 17: Time for you to go...

So it's true, I was dating someone during the summer months. It was complicated from the get-go and way too many people were involved than should have been. I mean, when an entire class + class's instructor + family knows about it and there has only been one date...I'd say that's like a bunch of clowns shoved in a Volkswagen! So it began in June, a smooth enough road with minor debris like me preferring to remain a private person (and not having everyone know everything all the time), 5 hours driving between us, me not really liking his friends and that sort of thing.

After date 2, he actually gets slightly intoxicated around my brother (and my father is in the near vicinity) and tells my brother that "I like your sister quite a bit."

After date 3 I have rugburn...unpleasant!

Before date 4 he says, "do you realize we've been dating for a month?" My silent response, "Um, I'm pretty sure it's been 3 dates!" On date 4 he gives me some collegiate merchandise and accompanies it with this: "I've never given a girl any of this merch before!"

At this point, I am a little in the red zone. I am an admitted commitment-phobe and some of these signs are telling me to run away. I will not allow use of the B or G word (ie. boyfriend/girlfriend) and no label is put on this "dating experience." On date 4 I also express a dislike in one of his best friends, siting the fact that he tried to make a joke about my sister which was in extremely bad taste, and that I would prefer not to be put in any social situations with him. This conversation is one-sided (me) and he says nothing. Good talk! I mean, I was ready for a conversation, not a monologue!

Date 5, also known as Hell Date, or Waste of My Time, or The Breaking Point. I shall now revert to my scripting:

Boy: So, what are your plans for the day?
Me: What a queer question to ask someone who drove 5 hours to see you and has nothing else planned What are the plans surrounding the concert?
B: Me and G were thinking drinks at 5 and then pick G's girl up at 530.
M: Hmm, well, you can just pick me up when you pick her up.
B: It's actually easier if we pick you up first.
M: Okay, that's fine. But, I'm not really comfortable being in a car with people who have been drinking.
B: Then I won't drink.
M: Uh, then you'll be the driver! And frankly I'm angry at the fact that you would put me in that situation!
B: I'd never put you in that situation! And by "drinks" you do know that I meant one beer right?
M: You were going to put me in that situation until I said something! And obviously, no I did not think one beer.
B: I wouldn't put anyone in that situation!
M: At this point I feel like I'm 6 and going "nuh uh" and having someone return "uh huh" back and forth, back and forth
B: I'll tell you what. Why don't you and I go and just meet the other two at the concert.
M: pssh, they'll be better company than I will right now!

At the restaurant, being in a 3 on 1 situation (no, it could not, in any way, shape, or form be construed as a double date) was uncomfortable. I found myself unable really to add to the conversation since it was all about name dropping and things that had happened to them. I just stared out the glass toward the tv. I would look at someone if they were talking and attempt to get in the conversation, but no dice.

When I was home, I did apologize for making him uncomfortable with my silence, if that's what happened. He replied, "I think it was fine."

The communication slowed down a great deal before pretty much stopping all together. I had pretty much decided that we were not really the best pair, and because I wanted to tell him face-to-face but did not have time to drive 10hrs roundtrip just to do that, I thought a phone call would work. He is generally busy, so I thought I would text him a head's up, first.

M: We should talk sometime soon.
No response

M: Two days later Are you busy tonight?
B: Yea, I have studying and other stuff to do.
M: Okay, well, whenever you get free time, let me know.
B: Will do. Sorry I've been incommunicado lately, I've just been studying a lot and helping my brother deal with some things.
M: I understand.

I contemplated this last bit of information while I was with my mother. I mean, how long does it take to send a text? My mother responded that if she were ill I would not want to talk to anyone either. Perhaps he is really worried about his brother. This seemed like it made sense.

20 minutes later (no exaggeration at all!) I go on FB, check to see who of my friends is online, and lo and behold that guy is on? Um, I'm pretty sure that if my mother fell ill I would not be on FB or the internet, save my e-mail. These occurrences kept happening. I happened to be on FB more that week than usual and I would always see him on my chat list. And believe me when I say I wasn't purposely looking for him; I do have more important things to do than that! I might see him listed as "online" once or twice a day!

Where's the respect? Not having time is one thing, not wanting to talk to you is another! If you didn't want to talk to me, then perhaps you should have called me and we could have ended it like adults! So, after waiting a week for him to contact me (he should have been able to since it's not like he never has time off) I decided to just list myself as "Single" on FB. What else could I do? If he "doesn't have time" then I wouldn't really be able to reach him via phone, would I?

His FB status is still listed as "It's Complicated" so I don't really know if he has yet to change it, or he still thinks we're dating. My friends/family tell me to just "let it die" and not worry about it, but it is this uncertainty that is unnerving. I would prefer it to be said as over, rather then it stay in limbo.

Perhaps he'll talk to me after it's been a month. He seems to like month anniversaries!

Pondering,
~S

Day 16: The remains of the roses

Likes to feed deer,
~S

Day 15: Keep you damn clothes on, will you?

Look at this face:


Now I ask you, could you imagine such a sweet, innocent face being involved in a nude picture scandal? I know, right? Neither could I, and yet, it happened. I was quite shocked to hear about this, especially because I like Ashley Greene and feel like she's a down-to-earth actress who I could see myself being friends with. I also have high expectations concerning certain actresses. Now, I did not see these photos, nor would I want to, but the fact that they even exist make me said. *sigh* This is borderline as shocking as Anne Hathaway flashing some boobies in Brokeback Mountain! Let me explain: I do not enjoy seeing female nudity, especially on large screens. While I have gotten better about seeing it and not jerking away quickly, there are a few actresses in particular that if I ever see naked my life will be forever shattered. Here's the list:

1. Idina Menzel (though it was awfully close in Ask the Dust)
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Anne Hathaway (too late...ugh! we're talking Princess Diaries flashing some skin here!)
4. Kristen Stewart (more because I just don't want to see it...o dear...I really hope there is some censoring of the C-section scene in Breaking Dawn...no wonder RPatz is so excited about doing that scene...)
5. Amanda Bynes

There are others, but I would rather not go into them. Mostly, it's the top three. After reading about this scandal, I ask myself some questions:

1. Why are you getting naked in front of someone?
2. Why are you getting that someone to take your picture?
3. Did you really believe that someone when he/she said they would only use the picture for their private collection?
4. Why did you get your picture taken again?
5. Did you not learn from all the other stupid people *cough* Vanessa Hudgens *cough*?

But why, Ashley Green, why did it have to be you? Alice would not do such a thing...

*sigh* This is why, when a guy I was dating asked for a picture of me in a bathing suit, saying that it would go in a safe place on his computer and he never lets anyone look at his private photos, I said..."um, definitely not!"

People, I beg of you, DO NOT ALLOW COMPROMISING PHOTOS OF YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN EVEN IF YOU TRUST THE PERSON. YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT. I suppose it could be worse Ashley, you could have wanted to run for the presidency and then the photos got leaked. tsktsk

Depressed and a full person lighter,
~S

Day 14: Google is dangerous for the naive

Google and I have a love-hate relationship. If I need to find the official fan site for Ashley Greene, it can help me; what hair styles are best for my face, yes; when I can start wearing white, yes; how to deal with rug burn on the face and so on. However, there is also a seedy and dark side to Google, one that makes me never want to look up any sort of code word or abbreviation that may be innuendo. Let me explain.

Ex. 1: As I said before, I enjoy comic books...who doesn't? From time to time, I enjoy researching certain characters to get more of a back story on them, or to just familiarize myself with them. One day, I decided to look up Herman Schultz, aka Shocker. Shocker happens to be one of my favorite Spider-man villains. Now, as I am looking for a bio on Mr. Schultz, I am stunned to find this sexually explicit definition of what a "shocker" is! Two in the what and one in the where?!?! *blushes* Ahem, yea, uh Google? That's not what I meant!

Ex. 2: At one point, a creeper that I dated infrequently randomly texts me "Reverse Cowgirl?" Now, you have to understand that I am an innocent and naive person so I can't really imagine what the heck that is. I assume, mind you, that it is some sort of sexual position, but I haven't read the Karma Sutra and I've no idea what position he's talking about (nor would I oblige him). So, in order to figure out what's going on, I decide to Google...WHAT?!?! The girl is positioned how and does what? And it's for guys who have butt fetishes? *grows somewhat ill* Hell no, you creeper! Guys are odd! Whenever I repeat this story, my friends usually laugh at me and make it seem that they knew all along that they knew what "reverse cowgirl" was. I bet they had no idea either. I do still wonder why it's called "missionary," however...I mean...hmmm...

Ex. 3: I was frequenting a message board one day and one of the topics being discussed was the recent Wolverine movie. All the fans pretty much agree that we got shafted because they screwed up Deadpool (a fan fave). At one point, one of my friends is commenting on something and begins his post with "I'm a big DP fan..." The next post then comments on this, saying "Dude, keep that to yourself!" I find myself puzzled and confused (and state this on the thread) alongside the younger members of the board. I decide to research this abbreviation. Double what? I'm sorry...how is that possible? And why would a girl agree to that? *passes out*

So those are pretty much my terrible Google experiences! Each time I run away, frightened and wondering why the heck I Googled that thing anyway! I cannot warn you readers enough: if you come to something you don't know, and it seems like innuendo...whatever you do...JUST DON'T GOOGLE!!! Just pretend you know what's going on, and don't ask your friends...you'll feel better about your self that way!

And now, a word from our sponsor, Deadpool!DP love,
~S

Day 13: What if?

Sometimes I dabble in the art known as "comic books." The main publishers, Marvel and DC, both do hypothetical stories; DC calls them "Elseworlds" because it "takes place on a parallel world (like Earth-52, for example), and Marvel calls them "What ifs?" because they look at a certain event that happened and tell a different side of it (for example, "What if Captain America won the Civil War?" when Iron Man and the Pro-Registration side really won the Civil War (not the 1865 Civil War). I do not expect you to understand this, what I'm really trying to say is that I am about to write about a hypothetical event. Who knows...if this is well-received, perhaps I'll make it a series.

What if: Elphaba Went Berserk?

It was a sunny day, though Elphaba wouldn't know it as she was working in the hospital's cafeteria. Her jet-black hair was covered by an elastic hair-net, artistically decorated each day by Sharpies in order to best represent Elphie's mood. Today she decided to draw a butterfly with its wings ripped off in order to best represent her feelings that she was trapped and there was no way of escaping her current job situation.
As the lunch crowd began rolling in, Elphie thought about how wonderful it would be to pick up a bazooka from underneath the pile of instant mashed potatoes and blow all the complainers sky-high. Maybe an uzi? Maybe a rocket launcher? No, a bazooka! Glinda came by on her break in order to chat. Nothing much had happened so far to joke about, but they enjoyed spending time together. Glinda was the Daisy to Elphie's Venus Flytrap.

But problems always come; many times arriving on an unprepared doorstepped as a small package. A dwarf came to the cafeteria that day. Elphie's original thought was that she could pick up the little one, put it in a backpack, and go about her jedi-business like Luke Skywalker. That fantasy quickly skidded to stop as the dwarf rolled up to the counter and placed his one inch fingers and Jelly Belly sized head under the sneeze guard.

"Uh, sir, even though you can fit something someplace doesn't mean you should put it there. That very same thing got Bill Clinton into trouble," said Elphie.

"Excuse me? Did you just make a derogatory, no PC comment to me? Are you height-ist?" were the words that returned from the Carp mouth.

"Uh, no, I am not 'height-ist.' I separate my colored clothes from my whites when washing, that doesn't make me racist! I was just stating that you need to remove your head hands from the sneeze guard. It's there for a reason!"

"Whatever!" said the dwarf. It was now that Elphie realized there were going to be problems. Her hairnet began to itch, a sign that trouble was near. "I would like a hamburger."

"Well, unfortunately, they are not on the menu today. There's a nice McDonald's nearby, perhaps you could get a Happy Meal! It even comes with a toy," Elphie dryly said.

"I want a burger, dammit, and you better make me one or I will speak to the manager!"

"I am the manager!"

"Well....err, someone above you then!"

"Like God?"

"No!"

"Ok, so...hmm, let me get this straight: you're going to try to complain to someone who happens to stand between me and God?"

"Yes!" said the dwarf. At this point, Elphie was groping around the mashed potatoes looking for the bazooka. Fudge! she thought, I must have left it under my pillow at home. The last time I used it was to shoot that guy with H1N1.

Mentally kicking herself and deciding that this mousy person was not worth the trouble, Elphie decided to just make the burger.

The cafeteria seemed peaceful, but sure enough, Elphie's hairnet began a-scratching! The dwarf returned and complained about asking for a raw burger and getting one that was cooked medium-well.

"I don't know what to tell you," Elphie said, her patience wearing thin, "I don't normally cater to Hannibal Lecters, and that is what you asked for."

"It is not!" screamed the pint-sized bottle of flesh and bone, "And you better get it you...you EMO!"

At this, the Elphaba, the cafeteria, indeed, the entire world stopped. Elphie was not 'emo' and she would "gut a bitch" if anyone ever called her that. The last bit of her restraint snapped. She ran back to the freezer, retrieved some meat and threw it at the dwarf, creating a nice yamaka. She then began motor-boating each of the food selections and throwing large handfuls at each of the people in line. Her face covered in a macaroni-potato-green bean concoction, and looking like a plastic surgery gone wrong, she leaped over the sneeze guard and decided to look for more havoc to cause.

You must realize, readers, that in a hospital, creating havoc is quite easy. Elphie pulled all of the fire alarms that she could find. This act caused her to be sprayed several times by a red mist. Now, on top of her inbred-looking face (caused by the food), she looked like a crazy person with blood all over her. He stole a couple prosthetic limbs and began beating people left and right. Now, Elphie had morals, in a way; she would never hit a child or someone that was terminal. Instead, she went after the people with STDs and all the people in the workplace that she despised saying, "Take a foot to the face, Gonorrhea!" or "Maybe this leg can help you with your grunting, Slingblade!"

After a few minutes of this, Security was alerted. They didn't apprehend her, however, before she was able to break into the testing center.

"Have some boils to the face," she said as she threw a beaker. "Here! Find out what some HCl feels like on the who-ha!"

Left and right she was throwing urine samples, nut-filled stool samples, kidneys, livers, severed limbs. She was like a veritable baseball throwing machine, throwing everything and anything her hands touched, until she ran out of objects. The authorities leaped on top of her like a spatula on a stack of pancakes. She was handcuffed and fired in the same instant, and led away in a black and white. On her way out, she happened to spy the dwarf, meat on his face. She smirked to herself! I believe it was a good day, today! And I didn't lose my hairnet!

Luckily, there were no casualties. Many people did receive contusions from being beaten by a prosthetic limb, but nothing serious. Elphaba did some community service for her actions and is now attending anger-management classes, and well as learning to box in order to relieve her stress.


Sleep well, my Emo Fairy, and be calm, dreaming dreams that do not make your hairnet itch! Spare those who are innocent and "double tap" those who are 'skeevy' and disrespectful.

Dodge those prosthetics to the who-ha,
~S