Day 20: Interlude

Hello Pink Elephant! Oh, how I've missed you!

~S

Day 19: Closure

Wow, I feel like it's been months since I've written last...yep, yes it has. I feel healthier now than when I last wrote. I saw Sam on Dec. 4, 2009 and up until the point when I actually saw him, I had no idea what I was going to feel. At first it was awkward, the standard I would say. I didn't really talk to him and I tried to avoid any and all glances. At a ceremony I was sort of up near the front so it was easier to catch glances or make eye contact. I ran into him in the hallway to the bathroom and offered him my hand, stating "Congrats!" He said that he deserved a hug and so I gave it to him. We made small talk and he asked if I was going to be at the bar later that night. I said 'yes,' he said he was glad to hear it and then we went our separate ways.

I encountered him in the bar several times that night and it was easy to talk to him. What I found most distressing was the fact that I seemed to look for him and to wish that he would come talk to me. When we talked it was easier than when we had been dating; the pressure was gone, I felt less self-conscious and scared and I could even talk to his friends, which was something that I struggled with.

After that night, and for two weeks afterwards, I seemed to be in a "pining" mode and I had no idea where that came from. Other activities would clear my head but the thought of him persisted. WHAT THE FRIZZLE?! I knew that this was temporary, but I was wishing for it to pass already.

Lo and behold, one random day I was doing an outdoor activity (interspersed with random thoughts of Sam) when I ran into this other guy. I thought it was just those random and transient things, but we have since traded FB messages and have gotten to know one another. I am happy to say that since then, I have not really thought about Sam, not unless I think, "huh, I haven't thought about Sam lately" or if I get a text from Sam.

So why do I feel healthy? Well, for one thing, Sam and I are friends now. All the anger that seemed to be consuming me at the end of summer is gone. I've moved on and I'm happy, and I think that's the best thing! I'm not sure what will happen between this guy that I met and myself, but I've learned that looking ahead is stupid and that it's best to take it one day at a time.

Thanks diary, you're the one thing I can unload upon!
~S